She found a freelance offer with decent pay, but I'm worried she'll be home all day and neglect the household and the kids. It seems to me her place is in an office where she can focus on work. She says it's more convenient that way with the kids, and we need the money. How do we find a compromise?
The main thing is to stop guessing what will happen and look at reality: suggest your wife try working remotely for a week or two, and watch how she actually manages her time. Maybe she'll turn out to be more disciplined than you think, or you'll notice real problems that you can solve together - for example, agree on times when she's unavailable for household tasks, or rework your division of chores. If she's not more focused at home than she is in the office, your worries will simply disappear, and if your worries are justified, you'll have concrete facts for a conversation instead of assumptions.
The problem isn't where she'll work - in an office or at home - it's that you're both making up scenarios in your heads instead of talking about concrete fears. You're worried the kids will be neglected and there won't be food on the table, she's afraid she won't be heard. But these are just assumptions, and they keep you from seeing a real solution.
Suggest to your wife that you try remote work for a month, but with one condition - you discuss in advance how life will actually be organized. Not "she'll just abandon everything" and not "she'll be a wonder woman juggling three jobs," but specifically: who takes care of the kids and when, who cooks, how you step in during crunch moments (like when she has a deadline). I knew a guy who was against his wife working remotely - for exactly this reason. Then they mapped out a daily routine, and it turned out she actually spent more time with the kids than before because there's no commute. The key is not just to agree or disagree, but to test your assumptions against reality.
And one more important thing: if the family needs the money, this isn't just her want, it's a shared necessity. We're not talking about her whim here. Maybe the real issue isn't remote work itself, but that you both think working from home is easier and can be done on the side? Actually, it usually turns out the opposite - a home workspace often demands more discipline.
Here's what I've noticed: when one partner works from home and the other works in the office, there's often this feeling that the one at home is doing "less" - because you see them around during the day. It creates this hidden conflict where you both start thinking each other is lazy. Suggest to your wife that she tries working remotely for a month or two, but agree on a specific schedule: what hours she's unavailable for household stuff, when family comes first. And make sure you talk through how you'll both help with the kids and housework - it should be shared responsibility, not something she's supposed to squeeze in between client calls.
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