We've been together for 2 years and for the past few months he gets uncomfortable when I post photos with my girlfriends or like posts from other guys. Yesterday he asked me to delete my account because he said I spend too much time on the app. I'm not sure if it's normal jealousy or if it's something more serious.
What you're describing goes way beyond normal jealousy, you know. Being jealous once in a while is normal, everyone does it, but when he starts getting upset about photos of you with your girlfriends, gets bothered when you like another guy's post and then asks you to delete an entire social media account... that's not just jealousy anymore, that's actual control. And usually it escalates if you give in - first it's Instagram, then it's WhatsApp, then it's that friend he thinks is sketchy. It starts subtle but it's a pretty classic pattern of a toxic relationship.
The real issue here is that you're having to give up things that are yours to satisfy him. Instagram is a way for you to connect with people, share moments, exist socially. You spent two years with someone who should trust you, and trust doesn't mean you disappear. If he actually believed in you, it wouldn't matter how many photos you post or which posts you like - that wouldn't affect your relationship. The fact that he thinks it does is pretty concerning.
I'd suggest you have a serious conversation with him about this. Make it clear that you're not going to delete your account because he asked you to, that a healthy relationship is built on trust and respect for each other's choices. If he keeps pressuring you or if this becomes a pattern in other areas of your life, then you need to think about whether you really want to keep investing in this. Sometimes you love the person, but love isn't enough reason to accept disrespect.
Asking you to delete an entire social media account is way different from just being annoyed about a photo - that's actually getting into controlling behavior. He might be insecure, but it's not your job to disappear from the internet to calm him down.
The real issue here is that control never improves on its own, and it usually gets worse over time - today it's Instagram, tomorrow it could be who you talk to, where you go, what clothes you wear. What they call "normal jealousy" has limits, and asking you to permanently delete an entire account has crossed that line. It's worth thinking about whether you'd feel comfortable doing that and whether after asking this he'd stop being bothered, or if he'd just keep finding other reasons to complain about your choices. Talk to him making it very clear that you're not going to delete your account, but that you need to understand where this insecurity is coming from - and if he can't work on that, maybe it's time to think about whether it's worth staying.
Not deleting the account won't solve anything, it just feeds into his pattern. But I wanted to add: normal jealousy is actually when someone feels the emotion, recognizes there's no real reason for it, and lets it go - when it becomes control, it turns into a problem where he's asking you to change your behavior, your choices, your friendships. He's putting the responsibility on you to calm his insecurity, and that never works because there's always gonna be something new that bothers him.
I agree there are signs of control, but you two need to have a serious conversation before making drastic decisions - deleting your account won't solve anything and will only make things worse if he sees it as a win! What really matters is seeing whether he can actually listen when you explain that this bothers you, or if he gets defensive and insists. If it's the second option, then you've got a deeper problem on your hands than just passing jealousy.
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