He's constantly glued to his iPhone, even at dinner. I've already tried setting screen time limits, but he always finds ways around them. His grades have gotten worse too. How do I get this under control without him completely hating me?
The problem is that technical limits alone often don't work if the issue is psychological - is there something that particularly attracts him, gaming, social media, chats? Sometimes it helps more to make concrete rules together instead of just locking things down from above, like for example: phone stays away during meals and an hour before bed too. What's important is that you figure out together why he's so attached to it - often it's about FOMO or friends being online - and that you then create alternatives as well (going out, doing things together). He's more likely to go along with it if he feels like you want to solve this together rather than punish him.
Purely technical limits often don't work when the incentive behind it is too strong - he needs a real reason to put the phone down, not just a block. Maybe try concrete agreements instead of bans: like phone-free times during meals or before bed, and in return he gets peace and quiet the rest of the time. At the same time, it's worth having a genuine conversation about the worse grades - not accusatory, more like "hey, I've noticed that..." - because then maybe he'll see for himself that the phone is hurting him. Also important: lead by example yourself, otherwise it comes across as hypocritical 😅
We had success with banning the phone from the bedroom and putting it in the kitchen at 9 PM in the evening - not as punishment, but because we figured out together that my son was absolutely exhausted in the mornings and it was tanking his grades. Maybe instead of going the prohibition route, ask him what's actually so appealing about it (gaming? TikTok? chatting with friends?) and work out together how to manage it without him feeling like you're taking everything away from him. During meals I managed to enforce a no-phone zone by putting my own phone away first - being a role model instead of giving orders works way better at that age. At 14 you need less tech blocks and more actual agreements that he has a say in.
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