I've got my kid watching YouTube Kids videos and cartoons on TV all day. I started letting him do it when he began school because I was exhausted from him crying. Now it's gotten worse - he doesn't want to play with his toys or go outside. How much screen time maximum should I allow?
The problem is that at 3 years old his brain still can't self-regulate with screens - what you're seeing where he doesn't want to play isn't stubbornness, it's that his attention got used to constant stimulation and toys seem boring to him in comparison. The most realistic approach is to gradually cut back (not all at once, because yeah he's going to cry), but in the meantime you need to fill that time with things that really engage him: finger painting, playing with water, building stuff in the dirt in the yard, cooking something simple together. And I know it's exhausting, but those boring moments where he has to entertain himself are essential for him to get his ability to concentrate back - it's not wasted time, it's time he needs.
The general recommendation is that at that age he shouldn't watch more than an hour a day, and preferably less. What happened is that the phone became a crutch for both of you - it's easier than dealing with the crying, but now your son has less tolerance for frustration and gets bored without constant stimulation, so toys seem boring to him. The tricky part is that you can't quit screens cold turkey without consequences, but you can start cutting back gradually: maybe tomorrow it's an hour, next week 45 minutes, and in the meantime you reinforce other activities - drawing together, building with big blocks, playing outside even if it's just 15 minutes. At first he's going to cry more, but at that age the brain adapts quickly if he sees there's actually something more fun available.
What works is setting a fixed schedule and offering him attractive alternatives instead of just taking away the screen. I saw with someone close to me how a kid that age started getting hooked on hands-on activities (painting, play-dough, building games) only when the adults sat down to do something with him for 15-20 minutes - after that the kid would keep going on his own. The thing is, at 3 years old they struggle to transition on their own from the screen to something else, they need someone to go with them to "activate" that game. Once it starts, a lot of times they stay entertained, but if you just leave the toys lying around, it's obvious he's going to want to go back to his phone because he already knows that keeps him entertained 100%. Try cutting back gradually (not all at once) and spend those 20 minutes playing with him outside or doing something physical - then you gradually step back.
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