He's been telling me for a few weeks that some classmates make fun of him in the schoolyard and that he doesn't want to go to school. I'm not sure if it's just kid stuff or if I should step in and talk to the teacher. What steps should I take to figure out if it's real bullying or just normal fights?
I don't think it's so easy to separate what is "real bullying" from what is "just kid stuff," because honestly, if your son doesn't want to go to school for weeks, something is happening that's really affecting him. The key point here isn't whether it fits some technical definition of bullying, but that he's suffering and you need to act.
First, talk to him without pressure, but then you need to document what's happening. Ask him specifically: what do they say, when does it happen, who are they, if something started it. Write down what he tells you (dates, names, words they used). Then contact the teacher or principal, not as someone going in angry to complain, but as someone saying "my son told me this, I'd like your help understanding what's going on in the schoolyard." Teachers usually see behaviors that we parents don't. If they say they haven't noticed anything, ask them to pay attention without telling the kid that you went to them (a lot of times things happen when adults aren't looking).
If after that things don't get better or the teachers say they don't see anything but your son still doesn't want to go, then yeah, consider talking to the school's discipline office or psychologist. And at home, keep the doors open so he keeps talking to you. Sometimes kids need to know that someone's got their back while things get sorted out.
When someone close to you tells you they don't want to go to school for weeks, that's a signal you can't ignore - it's not just "kids being kids." First thing is to sit down with him without pressure, listen carefully, and jot down details: who they are, what exactly they're doing, when it happens, whether other kids see it or step in. Once you've got the info straight, talk to the teacher or the principal with those specific facts; they can watch what's going on in the schoolyard and tell you if they see it or not, so you're working from actual evidence instead of suspicions.
What the other user said is fine, but there's a point you can't overlook: if the kid has been saying for *weeks* that he doesn't want to go, that stopped being "just kid stuff" a while ago. The difference between a normal fight and bullying is that bullying is repeated, intentional, and creates fear or anxiety - and the symptoms he's describing (not wanting to attend for so long) point more toward the latter.
What I'd do is first talk to your son in private, without making him feel interrogated, so he can tell you with confidence who, when, and how it's happening. Then, without wasting time, talk to his teacher or go straight to the principal - don't wait to see if it "sorts itself out." They have the full picture of the school and can help you figure out if there's a real pattern. If the school doesn't take you seriously or downplays what your son is saying, that's when you escalate with more documentation and follow-up. But stepping in now isn't overkill, it's your responsibility.
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