My 9-year-old gets really stressed before any kind of test or quiz, even when she's studied. She's been having trouble sleeping the night before and sometimes complains of stomach aches. I've tried telling her it'll be fine, but that doesn't seem to help much.
Telling her not to worry or that it'll be fine actually tends to backfire - it makes kids feel like you're dismissing what they're experiencing.
The physical stuff (stomach aches, sleep problems) is real anxiety and needs real strategies, not just reassurance.
What works better is practicing the actual test format with her beforehand so it feels familiar and less like a mystery; even just doing a few practice problems the week before can dial down that anticipatory dread. You might also try some simple breathing exercises or a bedtime routine the night before that's calming rather than quiz-focused - sometimes the best thing a parent can do is stay matter-of-fact about the test itself while helping her nervous system actually chill out.
The stomach aches and sleep issues are real physical responses to anxiety, so just reassuring her won't cut it. What actually helps is breaking down the test into smaller, less scary pieces. Have her study in short sessions over several days instead of cramming the night before - like 20 minutes a day. That alone reduces a lot of anxiety because her brain isn't overloaded and she actually remembers stuff better. The night before a test, skip studying entirely and do something calm together instead. Make it boring and normal, not a big deal.
Also talk to her about what specifically worries her. Is she afraid of failing, or getting a bad grade, or looking stupid? Once you know, you can address the actual fear. Sometimes kids catastrophize - they think one bad test means they're dumb forever, which is obviously not true but feels real to them. Help her reality-check: "You got a B on the last quiz and you're still doing fine in class, right?" Build evidence that one test doesn't define her. If the anxiety is really intense or affecting her sleep regularly, mention it to her doctor or school counselor. They might have other strategies or there could be something else going on.
One thing that really seemed to click for my kid was practicing the actual test format beforehand - not just studying the material, but sitting down and doing a timed practice quiz under similar conditions. It sounds like your daughter's anxiety is less about not knowing the stuff and more about the situation itself, so desensitizing her to that experience (lower stakes, familiar environment, building confidence through repetition) can matter more than cramming facts. You might also ask her what specifically worries her most - is it running out of time, getting something wrong, or something else? - because once you know that, you can address the actual fear rather than the test as a whole.
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