I've been avoiding social situations for years and I don't know if it's because I'm naturally introverted or if I have a real problem. At work it's incredibly hard for me to speak up in meetings, and when I go to a dinner with people I don't know well I get nervous, my hands shake. Is there a way to tell the difference between being shy and having social anxiety disorder?
The key difference is that shyness is basically just a way of being, whereas social anxiety prevents you from doing things you actually want to do and causes you significant suffering. If you've been avoiding situations for years, your hands are shaking, and it's limiting you at work or in your social life, it's probably more than just shyness! What you're describing - the physical symptoms, the constant avoidance - sounds like something worth talking to a professional about, because there are treatments that actually work and you don't have to keep struggling like this. Shyness is just your way of being, but social anxiety is a problem you can work through.
The key difference is whether it's actually limiting you - like if you want to speak up in the meeting but your heart's pounding so hard you can't, or if you just prefer to stay quiet and that's it. Shyness is more like "ugh, I'm embarrassed" but you push through anyway; social anxiety is when the fear paralyzes you and you end up avoiding things you actually want to do.
What changes everything is whether those situations are actually limiting your life or if you're just avoiding them and that's it. If you avoid speaking up in meetings but you'd love to be able to do it and it's got you anxious, or if the physical symptoms (your hands shaking, your heart racing) show up even when you know there's no real danger, then it's more likely social anxiety rather than just shyness. Shyness is like... you're reserved and you need more time to open up, that's all. Anxiety is when the thing you want to do scares you so much that your body goes into panic mode and you'd rather do anything than go through with it. A psychologist could help you see whether there's a pattern of chronic avoidance or if it's actually affecting your day-to-day life.
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