My kids are 13 and 15 and it's become unbearable at home. They're yelling at each other over stupid stuff like who uses the bathroom first or whose thing belongs to who. I try to stay neutral but I always end up yelling too. Is this normal at their age or am I doing something wrong?
Same here, and I'm telling you that you're not doing anything wrong - it's just that teenagers are complicated. At that age they're looking for independence and at the same time they're testing boundaries, so the little things (the bathroom, who took what) turn into territorial wars. It's normal, but it's also completely exhausting for parents. The fact that you yell too, that's human and honestly it shows that you need to create spaces where you can breathe as well.
What helped me was not trying to stay neutral during the argument - it's too late at that point. Instead, I set clear rules before things got out of hand. Like fixed schedules for the bathroom, clearly defined areas for their stuff. When things heat up, I send each of them to their room for a few minutes rather than let it escalate. And after, when everyone's calm, we talk about it. It doesn't stop the arguments, but it keeps it from turning into a family crisis every single time.
The other thing is really not to feel guilty about yelling. Teenagers push our buttons on purpose or not, and you're human. If you feel yourself getting worked up, it's okay to say "I'm too annoyed right now, I'll be back in 5 minutes" and remove yourself. They learn to manage frustration that way too. It gets better with time, I promise.
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