I don't know what to do anymore, he's always got his phone in his hand even at the table and when he tries to put it down he gets nervous. His grades at school have started getting worse too. I tried taking his phone away but then he throws a fit. Does anyone know how to handle this situation?
You're in the same situation as thousands of parents right now, and the good news is it's not irreversible. Six hours a day on TikTok at 14 means the app has basically got him hooked, and yanking his phone away suddenly just creates conflict without solving the real problem - which is the addiction. The "crazy scenes" you're describing are symptoms of actual addiction, like withdrawal. If you do it that way, he ends up frustrated and you end up in constant war. It doesn't work.
What works better (and I say this because I've seen plenty of parents do it well) is getting him involved in the decision, not imposing it on him. Sit down with him when things are calm, not while he's on TikTok, and have a serious talk. Don't judge, just observe together: his grades have dropped, maybe he's not sleeping well, he gets cranky when he doesn't have his phone. Ask him what he thinks - does he reckon 6 hours a day is okay? He might say "yeah, I need it" - then figure out together why: what attracts him to it so much? In the meantime, suggest a limit you both agree on, not something you're forcing. Maybe 2-3 hours a day, but he decides on it with you. Some apps have parental controls that he can see, not hidden - make it look like an agreement between you two.
Also: taking the phone away at the table is essential, but give it back after dinner without making a fuss if he's sticking to the deal. Replace at least some of those 6 hours with stuff he actually wants to do (football, gaming on console, something). And yeah, his grades will only improve if he studies more, but it often happens pretty naturally once the phone isn't always there.
Cutting it off cold turkey will probably just make things worse, because it creates that dependency you're describing. What I notice is that people often focus on "taking it away" without building an alternative: if you pull him off his phone and then leave him bored with nothing else to do, he'll go right back to it worse than before. Try negotiating a gradual limit (like reducing from 6 to 4 hours over two weeks) and above all fill the rest of his day with stuff he actually enjoys, not forced parent-type things. The school thing is serious though, because at 14 if he doesn't sort out his concentration now it becomes a longer battle down the road.
First question: have you checked whether he's using TikTok just to scroll mindlessly or if he's actually following creators he's interested in? Because the difference is huge.
The real trick you rarely see is this: instead of taking it away, restrict access to the app itself (not the whole phone). On iOS and Android you can set time limits for individual apps, and more importantly you can lock it during certain hours - like after 9 PM and before 7 AM, and during meals. The phone doesn't disappear, so fewer tantrums, but TikTok becomes physically inaccessible when the family decides it. At the same time, find an activity together that he actually enjoys and that he can do instead of that scrolling - sports, music, cooperative gaming with you, whatever it is.
Real addiction disappears when the brain has an alternative that stimulates it just as much, not when you just take it away.
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