My son is 9 years old and for a couple of months now he gets really nervous whenever he knows there's an exam. He doesn't sleep well the night before, his stomach hurts and he says he panics about failing. The school tells me he's doing well academically, so I don't understand where all this anxiety is coming from. Is there anything I can do to help him manage this?
At that age, the body reacts to stress in very physical ways, so stomach aches and insomnia are real symptoms, not drama. Try doing slow breathing exercises with him during the week before the exam (nothing complicated, just inhale counting to 4 and exhale the same way) and avoid pushing too hard on the "don't worry" stuff because paradoxically that usually just makes him worry more.
Do you know if your son has any pattern, like whether he worries more about a specific subject or if the panic gets worse as the exam gets closer? What you're describing sounds like typical anticipatory anxiety at that age - sometimes it's not so much about actual performance but about the pressure he puts on himself. What works pretty well is normalizing mistakes (talking to him about how failing isn't the end of the world, that we all mess up), practicing simple techniques like deep breathing before bed, and making sure he doesn't feel there are huge expectations around his grades, even if the school says he's doing well. It also helps if in the days before the exam you keep calm routines without obsessively reviewing material or making a big deal out of the test.
What you're describing is pretty normal at that age, but the important thing is not to normalize it too much at home because that can reinforce the anxiety cycle. One thing that works really well is practicing "gradual exposure" without pressure: do mock exams at home in a relaxed way, almost like a game, so his brain understands it's not a threat. Another thing that never fails is teaching him simple breathing techniques (inhale counting to four, hold, exhale) and practicing them together when he's calm, so he has them down by the time panic hits. And something super practical: the night before the exam, have him go to bed at his normal time without "special preparations" or conversations about the exam, because that just builds up how much importance your son puts on it in his head!
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