We see each other once a week, but he spends half the time scrolling through TikTok or Instagram. I've already hinted at it a few times, but nothing changes. Should I just stop inviting him?
I agree that you need a straight conversation, but I'd also look at what the real issue is - maybe he just doesn't enjoy your hangouts enough to put the phone down.
Try suggesting something more engaging where the phone would actually get in the way (pool, cooking, board games), not just sitting around in a café.
If after an honest talk like "hey, I don't like it when you do that during our time together" nothing changes - then yeah, it might make sense to rethink how you spend time together or meet less often, because communication should go both ways.
I wouldn't rush to change the format of your meetings right away. First, try talking to him directly, without hints. Most people just don't pick up on hints - you need a straightforward conversation. Say something like: "I feel like you spend a lot of time on your phone, and I'd like to spend more time actually talking." Often people just don't realize what they're doing, especially if it's a habit. Maybe he's got problems at work or in his personal life, and that's how he's dealing with it. Ask him about it.
If the conversation doesn't help, suggest specific activities where using a phone is basically impossible. I, for example, regularly go to the bathhouse - you're genuinely disconnected from everything for those 2 hours because you can't bring gadgets in, and honestly there's no point anyway. Or you could suggest going to a movie, bowling, a nice café - somewhere there's something else to focus on besides a screen. The stats on how much time people spend on social media are depressing - the average person spends over 2 hours a day there, and it becomes an addiction. If even that doesn't work, then yeah, it makes sense to reconsider how often you meet up. People aren't always on the same page when it comes to what they think good communication looks like.
I agree that a direct conversation is the right way, but I'd add something: maybe suggest doing something specific when you meet up that requires both of your attention, like a board game or something along those lines, where the phone would just get in the way - sometimes that works better than just asking them to put the device away.
I once brought some fresh porcini mushrooms to my friends' place - we're sitting, eating, making soup, and one guy just keeps glued to his phone the whole time. So I just took his phone and put it in another room and said: "40 minutes without this, then we'll give it back". Turns out he wasn't even against it, he was just used to holding the gadget in his hands on autopilot. So yeah, a direct conversation is the foundation, but not just hints, be specific: "Listen, when you're on your phone, it feels like you're not interested in hanging out with me. It upsets me because I'm setting aside time for this." Honest talk helps better than letting resentment build up.
But I agree there could be a second reason - someone pointed out correctly above that maybe the hangouts are just boring. Try suggesting something specific: not just "let's meet up", but "let's go check out that new exhibition" or "let's play pool". An activity distracts from the phone way better than just sitting on the couch. I notice myself that when I'm walking through the forest with someone looking for mushrooms, nobody looks at their screens - there's just no time for that.
If after a direct conversation and offering some cool stuff to do nothing changes - okay then, maybe it makes sense to reconsider this friendship. But don't rush into it, first really try everything honestly.
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