We've been married for 7 years, we have two kids. He makes good money, but he gets it all on his card and won't show me the amount. When I ask him to tell me how much he earns, he says it's his personal business. Meanwhile, I'm taking money for groceries from my own savings. Should I try to talk to him about this or is this normal?
The main thing is to understand that this is financial control, not just stinginess, and it rarely gets resolved with one conversation :/ You really should see a family therapist or relationship counselor, because behavior like this usually comes from either deep trust issues or a deliberate desire to keep you dependent. A lawyer wouldn't hurt either - it's worth knowing your rights in case of divorce regardless, even if you're not planning one right now.
Here's what people often miss: trying to force the issue (fights, demands, ultimatums) usually just makes things worse and can trigger even tighter control. So having a professional third party involved - that's not weakness, that's your protection and a way to figure out whether this marriage is even worth saving.
It's not okay when someone living in a marriage and having two kids hides their income and doesn't contribute to supporting the family - you need to have a conversation, but it's better to do it not alone, but with a family counselor or a lawyer, because this involves not just your relationship, but also your rights.
If your husband refuses to discuss finances and leaves you in the dark about the budget, that's a sign of a serious trust problem, and you're unlikely to solve it on your own through persuasion - you need professional help so he understands that hiding income from his spouse and children is against family law and morality.
When one person in a family with children is paying for food out of another person's personal savings - that's already a sign that your financial relationship is broken. You definitely need to have a conversation, and the other answers are right that one talk probably won't solve a problem this big. But what do you actually have in terms of joint accounts or agreements about how household expenses are divided - who's responsible for what costs?
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