This has been happening for like 3 months now. We'll make plans to hang out or grab coffee, and then they'll text me an hour before saying something came up. I get that life gets busy, but it's starting to feel like they don't actually want to spend time with me. Should I just stop inviting them or bring it up directly?
Bringing it up directly is definitely better than just ghosting on them - three months is long enough that it's worth a real conversation. Pick a low-pressure moment (not right after a cancellation when you're annoyed) and be straightforward about how the pattern's making you feel, like "I've noticed plans keep falling through last minute and I'm wondering if something's going on or if hanging out just isn't working for you right now." Give them a chance to explain - maybe they're dealing with something, or maybe they're just bad at following through, but at least you'll know where you stand instead of wondering. If they can't commit to actually showing up after that, then yeah, it makes sense to stop investing energy into invites.
I think you should talk to them, but maybe approach it differently than just calling out the pattern. Before you do though - have you noticed if there's anything specific happening in their life right now? Like, are they going through a rough patch, new job stress, relationship stuff? Sometimes people who cancel a lot aren't actually losing interest; they're just overwhelmed and don't know how to say it without feeling like they're letting you down.
When you bring it up, frame it around wanting to understand rather than accusing them. Something like "hey, I've noticed plans keep falling through and I'm wondering what's going on? I miss hanging out but I also don't want to keep making plans if the timing's not working for you right now." This gives them space to be honest about whether it's actually about them being flaky or something deeper. You might find out they're anxious about canceling, or stressed, or going through something they haven't told you about yet.
That said, if they do know the pattern bothers you and just keep doing it anyway without any real explanation or effort to change? Then yeah, you can pull back on inviting them as often. You're allowed to protect your own energy. But I'd give the conversation a real shot first, because three months is long enough that this probably matters to you and deserves to be addressed directly.
Log into answer.
