I have a friend I've known for years, and every time we hang out she's constantly scrolling through Instagram or TikTok. I've told her about it a few times in a gentle way but nothing changes. I don't know if I'm being too demanding or if it's normal to feel ignored when someone does that all the time.
I don't think you're being demanding - it's pretty normal to feel ignored when someone's glued to their phone instead of actually being present. You need to be more direct this time - if you've already brought it up gently and nothing changed, tell her straight up that it bothers you and that when you hang out, you expect her to put the phone away, at least for a bit. If she gets offended by that or keeps doing it anyway, well, that's on her at that point and you'll have to decide if it's worth keeping those hangouts going.
Did you actually tell her that it bothers you specifically, or just mention it in passing? Because there's a difference between being direct and being aggressive. I think it's worth trying a serious conversation where you explain that when she starts scrolling it feels like you don't matter to her, but without sounding like you're judging her for using her phone in general - people need context to really understand what's hurting them. That said, if you've already tried it several times and nothing changes, maybe the problem is that she's just not at the same point you are when it comes to valuing that time together, and that's different: it's not that you're demanding, it's that you two have different expectations about what "being together" means.
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