We've been together for almost 4 years now and I'm ready to take the next step. Every time I try to bring up marriage, my partner changes the subject or says they're not ready to talk about it yet. I'm starting to worry they don't want to get married at all, but I'm afraid asking directly will make them feel pressured.
The avoidance itself is kind of the message though - after 4 years, if they wanted marriage they'd probably be excited to talk about it instead of dodging. I get that direct questions feel scary, but staying silent is just letting anxiety make the decision for both of you. You could try a gentler approach: pick a calm moment and say something like "I care about you and I need to understand where you stand on this, no pressure" instead of asking if they want to marry you. That opens the door without cornering them, and honestly, you deserve to know if you're on different pages before more time passes.
I know it's scary, but you need to have this conversation outside of a casual moment - pick a calm time, sit down together, and be really clear that you're not asking for a yes or no right now, just asking them to actually talk about it with you. Sometimes the avoidance happens because people feel cornered or think you're demanding an answer on the spot, so explicitly saying "I just want to understand where you're at and what you need from me" can take some of the pressure off. If they still dodge after you've created that safe space, then you genuinely do have your answer - not about whether they want to marry you, but about whether they're willing to communicate about things that matter to you, and that's a different problem altogether that's worth addressing!
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