My parents are practicing evangelicals and since I left the religion in 2024 they haven't stopped trying to reconvert me. I've already tried talking to them, but it doesn't work. Has anyone here been through something similar?
I get that it's really complicated, because for them it's a salvation issue and they think they're doing the right thing. What worked with several people I know was setting really clear boundaries: saying that the decision is yours, that you respect their faith, but that this subject isn't open for discussion anymore - and then you really need to change the subject when they start up. Sometimes they'll drop it when they see you won't change your mind under pressure, but be prepared for it to take a while, like literally months. The hard part is keeping your cool when that subtle comment comes at a family Sunday dinner, but the less you engage, the less they push.
Man, what a complicated situation! After 19 years dealing with numbers, I've learned that some accounts we just can't close, you know - and family relationships are kind of like that. What's worked with people I know is setting firm but respectful boundaries, like saying you've already made your decision and you're not going to discuss it anymore (and sticking to it!), because every conversation is just another attempt by them to "save" you. Sometimes we have to accept that our parents won't understand our choices, but that doesn't mean they love you any less - it's just that they're stuck in their own idea. Try to focus on other aspects of the relationship if you can, and if you need emotional support to deal with their frustration, a therapist is absolutely worth its weight in gold!
I went through this with my parents too and what really worked was being really firm and repetitive: every time they tried to convert me, I'd say the same thing, without anger, but without budging an inch. Like "I respect your faith, but my decision is this and I'm not going back on it," and then I just wouldn't engage with the subject anymore. It took a while, a few months actually, but they eventually understood it wasn't going to happen and stopped pushing so hard.
But the other way around - she left the church and my father kept insisting. What really worked was me being very firm but without anger, like "I respect your faith, but I'm not going to discuss this", and changing the subject as soon as it started. At first it was weird, but eventually she understood that she wasn't going to be able to get me to change my mind and stopped insisting so much. Sometimes time and consistency in the boundaries you set make more of a difference than any rational conversation.
And honestly what really helped was being super firm in that first conversation - like, sit down with them and tell them you respect their faith but your choice is yours and it's not up for discussion. After that every time they tried to come at me with a sermon I'd just change the subject or leave the room, not being aggressive about it but making it clear the conversation wasn't happening. It took time, but eventually they stopped pushing because they saw it wasn't gonna work, and our relationship actually got better precisely because I made the boundaries clear.
Hey, I went through this with my parents and it was rough! What worked was being really firm: every time they'd start, I'd just say "I respect your faith, but that's my decision and I'm not going to discuss it" and change the subject - not aggressively, but without giving an inch! Over time they saw there was no going back and started to accept it, because deep down what they wanted was to keep having a relationship with me. Patience is hard, but it's worth it!
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