Every time I visit, my mom makes comments about what I eat. Whether I'm vegetarian or just like fast food - there's always some remark. It's honestly starting to get on my nerves and I don't know how to bring it up without hurting her feelings.
you can't protect her from hurt feelings when you set boundaries, and that's okay - just make a clear statement at your next visit, something like "i'm aware that you're worried but my diet is my decision and i don't want to discuss it anymore". if she keeps going anyway you can just end the conversation or leave, sounds harsh but that breaks the cycle fastest. works the same way with my cat - staying consistent and then ignoring helps more than polite discussions.
My mom used to be one of those comment-makers too, until I told her that it hurts me - not because I'm offended, but because I feel misunderstood. Sometimes it really helps to not get into a discussion about the diet itself, but just to say "Hey, I'm done talking about this topic, let's talk about something else" and then change the subject. If she keeps going, you can also make your visits shorter or eat together less often - it's not a big deal and sometimes parents only understand the issue when they realize that their comments have consequences.
Have you ever thought about whether it might not just be about the diet, but rather that she's expressing her concern in the wrong way?
I think the thing is: moms make comments like that often out of some kind of need for control, because they think they're still "responsible" for you. But that doesn't make it any less exhausting for you. What the others already said is right - you need to set your boundary - but I'd package it differently. Instead of confronting her directly, you could just stay calm in the moment next time and say: "Mom, I know my health is important to you, but I'm making my own decisions about this. That works for me right now." Not accusatory, just matter-of-fact. And then change the subject. If she starts again, just repeat it without letting yourself get pulled in. She just needs to know from you that this isn't up for discussion anymore.
The other important part: she'll probably still feel weird about it because she's worried and that's... okay. That's her problem, not yours. Some people have to learn first that grown children go their own way. That takes time. But if you keep responding, justifying, debating - then you're sending her the signal that the topic is still open. So: clear boundary, stay calm, don't argue. It might take a few visits before she gets that this is really over, but that usually works better than having some big serious conversation.
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