My best friend moved to Switzerland two years ago for work and we talk less and less now. At first we used to video call pretty often, but now with the time difference and everything we've both got going on it's gotten difficult. I miss being with him in person, but I don't want our friendship to end. How do you keep a real friendship alive long distance without it becoming superficial?
I have a friend who moved to Germany three years ago and at first I was convinced we'd stay distant, but we discovered that it works better when you don't try to force weekly video calls but do things together from a distance instead - like playing online games, watching a series at the same time and messaging each other, or sending photos of what you're doing. What helped me most is when we accepted that the rhythm would change and that sometimes you'd hear from each other less often, because that's normal and it doesn't mean the friendship is dying, it just transforms.
What really works is finding a rhythm that doesn't feel like pressure for either of you. If video calls become an obligation that stresses you out, it's normal to feel more distant. But you also shouldn't let communication die completely - the difference between a long-distance friendship that lasts and one that fades is often just this: keeping it "alive" doesn't mean intensity, it means consistency.
What you could try is creating more natural moments - maybe random messages during the day when you think of something to share with him, without the commitment of a long phone call. Send each other photos sometimes, links to things that remind you of the other person, jokes. You can do longer video calls when you actually feel like it, not necessarily every week. And if you can, even just once a year or every two years, save up money to visit in person - it's not frequent, but it has real value for rekindling the bond.
One thing though: when you say you feel more distant, have you two ever really talked about this? Sometimes one person feels like they're the one responsible for keeping in touch and gets tired, while the other doesn't even notice. If you brought it up, it might be easier to find a system that works for both of you?
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