I've been friends with this person since high school, but we haven't actually talked in like 3 years. We just follow each other on Instagram and occasionally like posts. I want to clean up my feed, but I'm worried they'll notice and feel hurt or think I'm mad at them. Should I just do it quietly or send them a message first?
Don't overthink this or send a whole message like you're breaking up with them. You haven't talked in three years - they're not checking your follow status daily, and most people don't even notice when someone unfollows them. If they do spot it down the line, it's not a big deal. Just quietly clean up your feed. You're not rejecting them as a person; you're just managing your social media, which is completely normal.
The only reason to message first would be if you actually wanted to reconnect or explain yourself, but that defeats the purpose of what you're trying to do. Just unfriend and move on. If you run into them later or they somehow bring it up, you can casually say you were pruning your follows or taking a break from social media. Nobody's going to lose sleep over it.
What's your actual goal here - just decluttering, or are you worried about seeming rude? If it's genuinely just feed cleanup, unfollowing (not unfriending) is the move; they won't get notified and you still stay connected if life brings you back together. A practical thing that helps: mute their posts instead first and see if that scratches the itch for a week or two. If you still want them gone after that, you'll know it's what you actually want rather than a passing impulse.
Have you considered that they probably won't even notice, and if they do, it won't devastate them? People drift apart all the time, and unfollowing someone you haven't talked to in years isn't a betrayal - it's just life. If you want to be extra cautious, unfollow instead of unfriend; they won't get a notification either way, and you keep the door open if you reconnect someday. But honestly, just do the cleanup. Three years of silence means you don't owe them a heads-up about managing your own feed.
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