He keeps adding me to chats with his coworkers, classmates, neighbors - I get lost in the conversations and don't know what to talk about. When I suggest leaving the chat, he says I'm a snob. Maybe I should just get used to it or react differently somehow?
The way this question is phrased makes it sound like it's about your social skills, but it's really about boundaries. You can get used to anything, but that doesn't make the situation normal if someone is deliberately adding you to these chats knowing you're uncomfortable there.
The key word here is "snob". When your friend calls you a snob for leaving the chats, he's basically solving his problem at the expense of your discomfort. And yeah, the people above got it right: that's manipulation. He'd rather accuse you of being wrong than simply respect the fact that you don't want to be there. For a friendship, that's weird.
Try telling him straight up (not in a chat, but face-to-face): "I'm uncomfortable in these chats, and I'm going to keep leaving them. It's not about me being better or worse than anyone else, it's just that they're not for me. I hope you can respect that." And then just leave without explaining or making excuses. If he tries to blame you again - that's his problem, not yours.
This isn't a matter of habit or how you look at it. You don't need to "get used to" being added to chats where you don't know anyone and don't understand what's going on. It's just uncomfortable, and that's normal. It's also normal to set boundaries instead of suffering for someone else's convenience.
With your friend it's a different story though. He adds you to chats without asking, and when you say it's inconvenient, he calls you a snob - that's manipulation. He's turning your attempt to protect your boundary into a character flaw. Leaving a chat you don't need to be in isn't snobbery, it's just basic self-respect. If your friend thinks otherwise, that's his problem, not yours.
Just leave those chats without asking permission or explaining yourself. If he adds you again - leave. If he gets upset or starts complaining, calmly say something like "I don't like it, I'm not going to sit in them". Normal people respect that. And if your friend keeps pushing - maybe he's not that much of a friend after all.
Your friend is using the word "snob" as a way to manipulate you. When you set a boundary ("I'm uncomfortable in these chats"), instead of respecting it, he calls it snobbery - and suddenly you're doubting yourself instead of standing your ground. It's a classic move: shame you into backing down.
The thing is, being in a chat where you don't know anyone and don't understand the context is actually exhausting. You have to keep up with other people's jokes, stories, inside references, while having nothing to add yourself. It's not about snobbery - it's about needing your own energy, not constantly feeling like you don't belong there.
Try talking to your friend differently: instead of saying "I'm leaving the chats" (which sounds like you're rejecting the friendship), say "I don't want to be in chats with strangers, it stresses me out." If he keeps going on about snobbery - that's a sign he doesn't respect your boundaries. Then you decide for yourself whether you even need a friendship like that.
I had a friend who did exactly the same thing, and I put up with it for a long time, thinking I just wasn't outgoing enough 😅 But then I realized: when someone doesn't respect your "no" and instead accuses you of being a snob - that's not caring about you, that's control.
Here's what's important to notice: if you leave one chat, your friend will just add you to another one and say the same thing. It's not about the chat itself, it's about them not recognizing your right to choose which communities you want to be part of. A real friend would hear "I'm not comfortable with this" and respect that, even if they don't understand it. But calling you a snob for setting a boundary - that's a red flag.
I get it - had to deal with a similar situation. This guy kept adding me to chats, and whenever I left, he'd get offended or catch me on some supposed injustice. Here's the thing: later I found out he did this with a bunch of people, and most of them just quietly left or stayed silent in those chats without saying anything. So it's his habit, not your problem 😐
The word "snob" here works like a noose, basically. Your friend is guilt-tripping you into staying and proving you're a good person. But a normal person, when they hear "I'm not comfortable with this," just accepts it. They don't try to prove you wrong. If he thinks it's normal to call your personal boundaries snobbery - that's about how he treats you, not about reality.
Practically speaking: text him once, keep it short. Don't apologize, don't argue your case. "I appreciate you trying to include me, but group chats with strangers don't work for me. I'll be leaving them." Done. If he starts playing on your emotions or accusing you again - just don't respond to it. You don't need to convince him you're not a snob. The other answers are right: this is manipulation, and it only works if you play the game of "prove you're good." Don't play.
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