I've been friends with this person for like 8 years, but lately I'm the one always reaching out, making plans, remembering their birthday. When I need to talk about something, they're either too busy or the conversation somehow becomes about them. I'm wondering if I'm just being paranoid or if this is actually a problem worth addressing.
I had something similar happen with someone I'd known since college. I kept showing up, remembering the details they'd shared months earlier, texting first every single time. Then one day I just stopped initiating anything - and nothing happened. Radio silence for weeks. It stung, but it also told me everything I needed to know. The friendship had already shifted; I just hadn't wanted to see it.
What you're describing isn't paranoia at all. Eight years is a long relationship, sure, but that doesn't mean it's obligated to stay the same forever or that you owe it your emotional labor indefinitely. The pattern you're noticing - always being the one to reach out, them being conveniently unavailable when you need support, conversations pivoting back to them - that's real and worth taking seriously. It's not about keeping a friendship alive at your own expense.
Before you write it off completely, you could try one thing: pull back for a bit and see what happens. Don't ghost or get bitter about it, just stop being the engine that drives everything. Give them space to miss you or prove they value the friendship enough to meet you halfway. Some people genuinely don't realize they've fallen into a pattern where they're taking and taking. Others will simply accept the new arrangement and disappear. Either way, you'll have clarity. And that clarity matters more than spending another eight years pouring into something that's become empty on their end.
Don't assume you're paranoid just because the friendship is long - what you're describing (you always initiating, them redirecting conversations) is a pretty clear pattern, not paranoia. It's worth a direct conversation where you actually say something like "I've noticed I'm the one reaching out most of the time, and I need friendships where it goes both ways" instead of dropping hints or hoping they'll notice.
The pattern you're describing isn't paranoia - it's data. When you're the one always texting first, planning things, and bringing up your own stuff only to watch them steer it back to themselves, that's not a personality quirk, that's imbalance. I had a friend like this and I kept track mentally of who called who over a month, and it was honestly depressing - I'd initiated every single conversation for weeks. The thing is, eight years is a lot of history to just walk away from, so instead of cutting them off, try testing it: stop reaching out for a while and see if they contact you. People often don't realize the dynamic has shifted until you do.
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